evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
