ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
