My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
