I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
