In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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