i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
