Christians are straight up FREAKS
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
