mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
