My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
