After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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