I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
