i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
