Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.