i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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