the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
