Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
