Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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