we're blogging at a bar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
