need another drink. this is the easiest way
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
