There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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