the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
