she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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