May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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