Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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