I could make wine with my vomit
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
