he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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