You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
