if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
