I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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