why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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