Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
