she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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