I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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