how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
