your room smells of hookers.
And success
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
