she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize