I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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