im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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