So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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