Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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