Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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