Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
