dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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