Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My feet surprised me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
