....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize