yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize