she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize