you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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