I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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