i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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