oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
