I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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