Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
