She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize