she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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