I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
