Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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